"The Rush"

No poker to report today as I went to see the Death Cab for Cutie and Franz Ferdinand concert in the big city last night. We walked in a few songs into Franz’ set and sat up near the top of the stands directly across from the stage. You know that old saying “if it is too loud, then you are too old”? Well, I felt old about two minutes after sitting down. It also may have been when I looked to check out some girls dancing in the aisle near us and then realized they were about 13 years old. It was at that point I felt not just old, but dirty. Death Cab was a lot better, sound wise and they even played almost all of my favorite songs.

Now for some minor poker content…

I met up with an ex-girlfriend between bands. It wasn’t a random meeting, but rather orchestrated over MSN about a week previous. We hadn’t seen each other in almost two years and it felt a little weird to see her. I told her about things going on in my life and also about the Vegas trip I recently won. She then proceeded to half joke around with me about how I was totally addicted to gambling and that it was bad for me. I think she was kind of serious and I guess it kind of bothered me a little as I tried to justify myself to her. Not really sure why I felt the need to justify it too her since she really plays no part in my life anymore. I think it was just more about justifying poker as a legitimate activity to spend time. Then I read Dr Pauly this morning. It really hit home with me especially this part:

Gambling is a desperate act. Sure, I get off on it. We all do. But the reasons why we gamble are deeply rooted in self-esteem issues and obsessive compulsive behavior. I'm a known addict and action junkie. Poker is perfect for my degenerate personality because it has some intellectual aspects as much as "The Rush." Whose heart doesn't race when they are waiting for that river card to be dealt to seal our fate or save our ass? For some you lost in your life, the rush of poker is a real feeling. It makes you feel alive in the moment and that's why you do it.

Humans have always sought to get high in one form or another. For some people it's Christ. For others its cocaine. For anyone reading this post... it's poker.

Leave it Dr. Pauly to state the truth about poker.

I don’t relate to everything he says, as I don’t think I am an action junkie…yet. I do think that playing poker is almost like a drug, or a belief in a religion, as it is a way to feel something else, more connected, or disconnected from everything else in your life. I do think I am addicted to poker, as I think it would be hard for me to stop playing. That doesn’t mean that I have to continually play higher stakes to keep feeling “The Rush”. I still get a rush every time a drag a pot. Sure, the bigger ones feel a little bit nicer but the small ones still feel nice. The truth is, I get a rush from losing as well. Sure it is a different kind of feeling, but at least it is an emotion different from how I feel normally.

I don’t know where I am going with poker, but I do know that I would like to keep playing for the time being. I need my fix of “The Rush”